The Redeemer
by stu pidasso
Oct2010
I am the husband who knows
that he betrayed all those
whom he swore an oath before
to love, cherish and obey.
I am the unfaithful mate
who realized too late
the bird flew the coop
due to his unfair play.
I am the estranged dad
of forfeited lass and lad
who might roam home
to see me someday I pray
I am the highway rider
the long journey abider
for moments with them
because I chose to stray
I am the man with guilt
Under roof which lies built
trying to gain his love
back the tried and true way
I am the willing submitter
who struggles not to be bitter
for I know that I don't
deserve the remotest iota of parlay
I am the atoner
the repentant stoner
who pays with more
than money each day
I am the scarred advisor
painfully grown the wiser
who beseeches all the men
to learn from my poor display
I am the soul that stands
Asking forgiveness with clasped hands
that I be allowed to trade
all I have for a replay.
Posts
Dunno if you'll see this, but I wanted to reply to your comment on my blog about my ex.
ReplyDeleteFor years, I wanted Ryan to forgive and just love her father for who he was. I did EVERYTHING I could do to keep their relationship going, though he did next to nothing. I made it as easy as I could for him - as pleasant as I could for him. I bore no outward animosity for years and I welcomed him into our home whenever he wanted to visit. I welcomed his then-girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) and her children into our family. I don't think I could have done any more.
HE failed. He lied to his child. He did some unforgivable things. And still, I told her, "He's your dad... you either have to accept him for who he is or cut him out of your life, but I think cutting him out would be the wrong thing to do." She agreed.
Then he cut her off. For no good reason. And when she tried to explain how it made her feel - how angry and hurt she was - he turned it around on her and made it HER fault.
He has not spoken a word to her in MONTHS, even though I have contacted him and told him that if he didn't do it soon, he would lose her forever. He still hasn't.
This is on him. This is 100% his fault. She has done nothing wrong. He is hurting his child because he is a selfish, narcissistic bastard. You reap what you sow, my friend, and he is sowing a very empty future. He has thrown his child away and he will not be able to get her back... nor should he be able to.
Diane, I did not mean to defend or imply that I defend FB's actions. I was FB. And, I agree that we reap what we sow. I was only, like you, trying to encourage her to control the only thing she can control....her self. And I still wish to try to encourage her to be careful what she sows so that she does not have to reap later what she does not want to reap. I truly admire everything you have done in your efforts to try and give your child a chance at a relationship with both her parents. Seeing that helped me continue to reach out to my kids as much as possible for fear of being a FB.
ReplyDeletestu
sorry if I pissed you off.
ReplyDeletestu
I wasn't pissed off. I just wanted to be sure you understood his actions couldn't be defended (as I misunderstood and thought that's what you were doing). I realize I've said a fair amount about him (implied more, maybe) but I haven't even scratched the surface of what life was and is like with and without him. Thanks for your reply. And again, I'm not mad :)
ReplyDeleteCool. I was not trying to stir up trouble. I think you two are handling it better than he is, but like me....someday maybe, just maybe, the douche will come to his senses and try to make an effort.
ReplyDeleteFrom a former and occasional douche.
He will. But it will be too late. It might be too late now. But I have warned and warned and warned him for the past couple of years that if he didn't do something to help their relationship along, it would end. He's chosen to completely ignore my warnings or suggestions... even still. I told him a week ago he had to do SOMETHING to connect with her or he was going to lose her for good. Nothing. But, unlike you, who recognizes your part in your situation, he won't. It will be someone else's fault. It will be mine. It will be Ryan's (he already told her that the reason he didn't call her for the 6 weeks prior to her birthday is because she often sounds grumpy with him -- he tried to make his absence HER fault). He is defective. Seriously defective. But as far as he's concerned, it's the rest of the world that's messed up, not him. It's always been that way... it likely always will be.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, but maybe not. My ex's second husband died of a heart attack this summer. He was two years younger than me. Even though I don't care to talk to my ex, I still feel sympathy for her in her troubled time now. Four years ago I would have done douche-like things to make her life even harder in her time of need. Time does heal most, if not all wounds. Not saying it will happen, but it may; and when it does you may be surprised how much you and Ryan are able to overcome his past doucheyness.
ReplyDeleteI ain't saying it will happen, but in my case it certainly has.
Let's just hope our kids are okay and that douches stop being douches.
stu