Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fighting it off

There I was minding my own business, writing poetry to my chilluns as I am want to do, when out of no where…POW!!…..boredom jumped me from behind like Kato in the old Pink Panther movies. It was on me like ugly on Sandra Bernhard. It was kicking my ass like inertia does on the rugby pitch….kind of all over the place. I mean to tell you, boredom latched on to me and would not let go. It lifted me above its head, twirled me around in one of those wrestling airplane spin moves and pile drove me onto the floor. Then it picked up the dust covered vacuum cleaner and whopped me in my comatose head. It canon balled onto the small of my back and proceeded to camel clutch me right in my own living room. Thinking it had killed me, it took a break and made itself a sandwich in the kitchen. I came to and realized just what I was up against. So I snuck into the utility closet and grabbed my trusty potato cannon. I loaded it up with half of the biggest juiciest potato on hand, added a hand full of pennies and a plugged it with the other half of the potato just for good measure. I shot a triple helping of carb cleaner into the combustion chamber and blew boredom’s ass right out the plate glass window in the living room. Not one to be merciful after receiving an ass-whooping, I lept through the now destroyed window and used my discharged potato cannon like a giant club (like in the old war movies) and pummeled boredom about the head and shoulders. I grabbed boredom by one arm and one leg and tried to set a distance record with him. That was the first time I have ever participated in dwarf tossing and it is harder than it looks. But luckily I was able to avoid dying of boredom and I was able to stave it off for the time being. But I know boredom and it will be back around when I least expect it….when I LEAST expect it. I hope I’m ready next time.


  1. Man, you must have pissed boredom off. I hope I never do that.

  2. Visiting from Mama Kats...

    I have to say, there is such a creative use of analogies in this! Kato attacking was always my favorite parts of the Pink Panther movies.

    And I suspect boredom won't be visiting any time soon ... not after that ass whupping!

  3. sounds like boredom wasn't doing his job very well. You were way to busy to have time to be bored in this fight.

    Very creative. I laughed and spilt pink lemonade on my keyboard. hum? The IT guy isn't going to like that one.

  4. I always pictured boredom as a leprechan type person and I just hold my hand on his head so I'm just out of his reach. You should try that next time if the potato gun isn't handy. :)
    Thank you, btw, for comparing my Fathers Day poem to Nikki Giovanni... that is probably the nicest compliment I have ever recieved on my writing.

  5. Wow! Very creative post. I stave off boredom in more mundane ways (see my response to Mama Kat.) Maybe the boredom in my neighborhood is not as ferocious as in yours. I will keep a bag of potatoes handy, just in case. Maybe throwing them will suffice for less infectious forms of boredom.

    I’m sponsoring my first GIVEAWAY. Join in here:

  6. OK, I couldn't get past the Sandra Bernhardt comment. Bahahahahaha!

  7. That was good man. I guess I need to read some of the other peoples "boredom" essays. I can see you as a kid in grade school writing this in protest to one of the assignments the Sisters gave us.