Blind date....sort of

This is a draft I had left over from a few years ago....

Let me start by saying that I was the typical high school teenager. I had low self-esteem and no sense of what life was about. I did not have the right clothes or drive the right car (I had no car for that matter) and I did not hang-out with the "in" clique. In fact, I am going to warn you all that I was raised more by my five oldest brothers than my mom or dad.

I feel that this has been a huge hurdle for me for the majority of my younger life (unlike now, where I realize I have life by the balls and am squeezing unmercifully). About the only thing I had going for me were my boyish good looks (thanks dad!!).

My junior year in high school, I was dating a girl that I had known since we were freshmen students. Annette was a lot like me. She came from a family that was not one of the hobnobbing clans from the north side of town. We always debated whose family was more dysfunctional (I see now that her family wins hands down). We were both used to hand-me-downs and sharing anything we had with siblings. She was (and is still) sweet. Unfortunately, I was full of the raging hormones with which most high school aged boys were inflicted.

I got hit up at my locker one day, by a cute girl that I knew from my geometry class. Christy was a sophomore and did come from the other side of town (but that matters not to the soldiers of hormone). She thought I was cute and funny and she said all the right things (I don't really remember what she said as much as that I remember that she was interested in me). So we made a date to get together and spend some time getting to know each other. That was my first mistake.

Well, the weekend rolled around and I made my way across town to where she lived. I stole up to the front door and rang the bell. Christy came to the door and let me in and we settled into the front room on the couch. To my amazement, she was home alone and was waiting for me to show up. Her parents (and siblings?) had gone out to see a matinee movie and we would be alone for a few hours. It did not take much for me to realize that she wanted to play. First we kissed. All the regular kissing moves and then two new ones (to me).

What transpired after that is not important (a lady never tells and a gentleman never asks), but let us just say that I got my feet a little more wet than I had had them before. Those wet feet turned to cold feet and I managed to talk my way out of doing anything that most boys my age were dying to do. That was my second mistake.

The rest of the weekend was apparently uneventful, because I did not suddenly take up journaling so I could record the unremembered memorable moment. But when I got back to school the next week, things had changed.

Somewhere in the five days of classes between Sunday and Saturday, Annette had a conversation with Christy. I, being the more than averagely dumb boy, didn't take into account two things. One, that high school is small and everybody knows everybody through somebody else. And two, these two girls might actually share a class together. That was my third mistake.

Well, they did share a class together and when Christy was telling her friends in class about the cute boy and what they had been doing and WHAT HIS NAME WAS, Annette overheard the whole thing. Needless to say, there was hell to pay, but that doesn't make this story go away. These two girls compared notes and decided that I needed to learn a lesson. So as I waited patiently at Annette's car for her to come out for our lunch date, I see both the girls walking up to me with smiles on their faces. Oh, I wish I had a crack or crevice or somewhere to crawl off to at that point, but no. I got to ride stuck in between the girlfriend and the girl friend. And it wasn't some nirvana setting where the three of us would go roll around in a pile of sweaty teenage lust doing things that boys daydream of, no it was hell. Torturous. Uncomfortable as all get out. They made me twist in my discomfort for the entire lunch period. I even got to pay for the lunches (fair enough).

But as fate would have it, I could salvage nothing from either one of them. I was never to share time with Christy again (not so much a problem for me, as she just didn't interest me as Annette did) and I lost Annette as a girlfriend for the rest of our school careers.  We ended up dating again (off and on for twenty years) but much later. And letting her go was my last and worst mistake.

Now I am back home, helping my mother, taking care of my house. I just moved home from Austin, Texas; where I had moved to be closer to my kids and to Annette. But when I got relocated to Austin, Annette broke the news to me that she was in another relationship and just couldn't bear to tell me (until I was standing on her doorstep).

Finis. Kaput. Over. Done. Bye-bye. Ciao. Adios, y vias con Dios, mi amiga. I swear all my love to my latest and best girl-friend ever, Mary Jane. I will stray no more, and always be true. I work as hard as I can so that I can go home to her waiting arms each and every night.

 

Lately, though, I have been up to this...

 

and this....

and even wrote this recently...

Ode to John

By stu pidasso

17Nov2013

We are all just temporary

Like the sighting of a garden faerie

Gusts of wind swept across the land

Bubbles chased by laughing child’s hand

We are butterflies and flutterbies

Sent to give smiles and heal cries

Spur of the moment lover’s lies

Whispered softly to fawning eyes

We are raging flames in bonfire

Fleeing skyward from funeral pyre

Sparkling morning dew on grass

Specters briefly haunting looking glass

We are the fading wolf’s midnight moan

cacophonous busy signal tone

smoke drifting from extinguished match

sea turtle eggs at beachfront hatch

We are melodic mocking bird song

Here for the time, but not for long

So do not live a life cautious and wary

For we are all just temporary

 

 

for this guy...

 

 

III

But to live a day again, to change what we did once when..

I've been over to Mama Kat's again and I like the prompts so I'm playing. They all appeal to me, but I am choosing to write on the first prompt. The problem is that I can't narrow it down to just one. I believe a top five list would be in order.

The fifth day I would most like to relive would be a tie. It would be the two days my kids were born into this world. I would love to take more pictures. I would love to make sure that my ex-wife and my family knew just how important those days are to me. My life changed for the better on both those days and I do not regret them happening one bit. I just wish I had been a better man then so I could have done more since then for my kids and our family.

Holding the number four spot down on my list would have to be a whole bunch of days leading up to my 18th birthday. I would love the chance to get my eagle scout award, both for myself and for my dad. I would probably sign straight into the military coming out of high school, too. College would definitely be in my future, but it would have to be double duty with my service to my country.

Third on my list of five would have to be a fateful night back before I met my wife. It was an event which sealed my fate with an ex-girlfriend and a skank who I had no business knowing. I lost the second love of my life that night and set in motion a whole set of other circumstances that, although leading to my fatherhood, also left a path of regret touching a dozen lives. No details, but just say promiscuity is not a good thing.

Three days, three stinking days that have affected my life more than any others. One night at a party, with a friend, I was introduced to the mother of my children. I love my children, but if I could I would have walked away from her then and there. I have lost or had to sacrifice everything I've dreamed of since knowing this woman. Other than giving me our kids and a few pleasant memories, she has been a curse like no other in my life. I am still having to pay penalties for even knowing this woman. I believe in respect and she is due some of that, but if she died tomorrow I wouldn't shed a tear for her.

The second day I would like to relive would have to be the day I was married. I showed up way later than I should have, was totally unfocused and had no idea what I was getting myself into for the future. The things I know now haunt me. Not the fact that I am without my wife and kids, but the lack of effort I put into one of the most important days of my life. It is a respect thing and I had very little of it that day.

And the most important day that I would like to relive.......would be the day I decided to leave my home town. I say this, not because I shouldn't have left, but because I moved away from my kids. I lost 6 years with them by running from myself. I can't get them back, but I can move on from there. Now I see them every chance I can and it feels great. Never mind that it interferes with the ex-wife and her new husbands plans, never mind that it costs me every spare dollar I have to travel and support the moments my kids and I steal away from our everyday lives, never mind that I have to sacrifice loads of time from an already hectic schedule, never mind that I can't make up for the six years that I lost by my own choice; they love our time together and so do I. I connect with my son, I share moments with my daughter, we lean on each other and discuss our troubles as well as make some awesome memories. I can even see a difference in the way both are handling the pressures they struggle with at home. I have an impact on their life and it is a positive one. That is my goal and I can see it happening right in front of me. And that makes my day.

My life, my time, my money, my love...are theirs.........unconditionally. All I ask in return is a smile, and I have not been disappointed.

Would you, my haiku, and much ado about woo hoo

Dull Winter moments-

daily chores wait quietly

as I keep working

by stu pidasso

10March2010

A normal Spring day-
sunshine washes in and out
like ocean tides.

by stu pidasso
10March2010

Summer romances-

cuddling lazily with her

the hammock dances.

by stu pidasso

10March2010

An Autumn cold snap-
blue northern descends on us
as moods turn southward.

by stu pidasso
10March2010



I feel as if I am a passionate person. I am definitely opinionated about certain things, obsessive about others, fixated on a few, mesmerized by a handful, preoccupied with two, and focused on one. Yes, many things spark an interest in me, but there are certain things that do have special places in my life and in my mind.

My children, for instance, are my love. I will do anything I can to help them. If they call, I listen. I won't give them the world, but I'll help them plot and plan how to earn it. I would kill to protect them and give them up willingly to spare them heartache. I punish them to teach them (when I must), yet let them stumble in order for them to grow and learn. I help plant the seeds of their future with them and sacrifice all so that they may flourish and bloom larger and more beautiful than I. I would die for them just so they may live.

My poetry also drives me. I write on a myriad of topics, from the death of my family life, to the addictions that kept me going through my metamorphosis, to the rebirth of myself as a single man committed to helping my kids avoid the mistakes I made, and finally arriving at the worn out old man who just wants to watch the world turn as he waits for his grand kids to visit. I have written about love and hate, condemnation and forgiveness, how to be a man and how to fail as one. I have written silly little love poems and scathing diatribes on why something deserves to die. I have written to and about friends, loves, enemies, strangers and occasional good people who have shared moments of my life.

I enjoy my music daily. Most any music is pleasing to me. I have found pieces of aural pleasantry in near every genre known. And I find that it soothes me, helps me focus when I need to, and it lets me slip away when I need a break. I find inspiration in the words of other poets who have the ability to set their messages to lovely melodies. I believe music is an international form of communication that can transcend any language barrier. I believe it can heal the soul. There is a song for any moment you can experience.

Family affects me everyday. Who we are and what we have become is directly resulting from the family we share our lives with day to day. Good or bad, we are directly influenced by the ones we live among. We are who we came from and our children will be who we are as we pass ourselves along to them and their children. The cycles can be broken and morphed and even righted from a wrong,but the cycles still happen. Anyone who turns their back on their family just ain't no good (Springsteen song).

Love, true love, romantic love, dedicated "die for you" in your time of need love; is my only want. I had it at least thrice and pissed it away all three times. I regret all three instances and can tell you exactly at what point I made all three errors (in my mind). I think I understand now, and I feel I am ready. I'm not settling and I'm not giving up, but when she presents herself to me in my little world....we'll know it. And I will strive to be an obedient student, focused on learning lesson upon lesson concerning how to treat her right to help us be the best people and friends we can be. I will strive to share with her an enjoyment in each and every day to its fullest extent. I will strive to be a steady rock for her, that we may hold onto each other no matter how harsh the storm or brutal the weather we must endure. I will not stop trying to respect her enough to know when to say yes and to respect myself enough to know when to say no. I don't know if she will ever find me or I her, but if we do, I know what I am NOT going to do and that is take her or our love for granted again. Life is a journey and it is so much more fun when you are travelling with someone you enjoy being near.

She's going, going, gone!

Another round of Writers' Workshop with Mama Kat, and Thursday finds me at work trying to cram to much stuff into a full day. But the prompts appealed to me and so I'm in for this one.

I am choosing to tackle the first prompt today....

10 reasons I am better off with out her.

10. I have to be a better house cleaner! She was awesome at keeping house, and I got spoiled having her around to spearhead the cleaning tasks. So now, I've been forced to come to grips with having to clean a three bedroom house with two bathrooms and still do the yard work. I AM a domesticated man.

9. Cooking! I love to eat (as most men and all people do). Now I am the head chef at the house. I have had to learn to cook for one as well as still cooking for groups. And my recipe book has been expanded in ways I'd never have imagined. My culinary skills now include, soups, deserts, finger foods, all sorts of grilling, a heck of a salad with all the extras, and even some questionables like quiche, crepes and broiled vegetable dishes!

8. Personal finances. In the ten years she's been gone I've bounced three checks. Compared with the one year we paid 900 dollars in bounced check fees, that is a major improvement. I also cleared 12 thou in credit card bills, manage to max out my IRA each year and put away to help the kids learn about investing. I sleep well at night these days.

7. Closet space. I actually get to use the closets. There are not 200 pairs of shoes, three complete wardrobes, or a separate closet full of outfits that are waiting to be reused once some one's extra weight is lost.

6. Crazy in-laws! My kids may still have to deal with them, but I don't. Enough said.

5. Bed cover fights. Our battles in the middle of the night over sheet dominance were epic stuff. I even nailed the sheets to the frame of the bed on my side once. She was not amused.

4. Uncle Red. Yeah he doesn't stop buy the house once a month anymore, and I DO NOT MISS HIM. It was those three days a month where the in-laws seemed sane to me.

3. Clean cars. One of my pet peeves. All four of my cars are clean, not a single piece of fast food trash in any floorboard of any of them. I have had one brand new car in ,my life, and I only had it for five months. Then she "needed" it because she was pregnant. I got her P.O.S. Volkswagen Rabbit. She even wanted me to trade my "new" car in on a new one for her as she was taking everything from me she could on the way out the door. Didn't happen. Your leaving with our kids, half my paycheck and all the stuff you want from our house, honey! Get fucked, the car is staying.

2. Time. After she left, I found myself with a lot of free time on my hands. I actually started taking college classes again. I've been writing my poetry, working on my genealogy projects, travelling and playing rugby again. I almost forgot what it was like to be able to do the things I enjoy instead of being on someone else's clock most of the time.

And the number on reason I am better off with out her....

my kids are not here. That forces me to make them a priority in my life in order to see them. I schedule my vacation time around their availability. I plan weekends to get them and spend time with them. I can't take my time with them for granted anymore, because it is precious these days.

My favorite (and not so) Halloween costumes

This being the Writers Workshop before the 2009 Halloween, I am writing about my favorite TWO Halloween costumes. They just so happen to be in back to back years.....but I can't really put my finger on which years. Both involved my last girlfriend, Ce.

The first year was the year we went together as Romeo and Juliet. I went as Juliet, dress and all, and she as Romeo. It went off well considering I was sporting a full beard and mustache. Everyone got a kick out of our costumes and we had a blast all evening long. We graced the local hot spot, The Bar, which had a huge holiday blast in full swing. But there was a second bar right behind it, and many patrons were gliding back and forth between the two. I ended up sans Romeo at this other bar. I didn't have to buy a drink all night as all kinds of people who were loving the outfit were kind enough to belly up to the bar with me and treat me to a beer or shot.

At some point the rest of our group, the rugby team, caught up with me and Romeo found me flirting with the bartender. As we started to leave the second bar, the bartender's boyfriend and his buddies decided they were going to rough Juliet up and teach her a lesson. But Juliet was too drunk to fight and as their luck would have it, they followed me out to the parking lot without realizing that there were twelve other ruggers coming out right behind them. After a quick Duct taping session, we left the four fellows in the bed of a truck and headed off to home. Dumbasses!

The very next year, the rugby team hosted a supehero/supervillian themed Halloween party. Every one showed up except for The Hulk. I was going to attend as the Hulk. I went and picked up some green spray on chalk spray for sidewalks, a doctors coat and a stethoscope. I started painting the entirety of my body with the spray green crap, with the intentions of being green under my doctor outfit and wearing a name badge with Dr. Baxter on it. At some point in the evening I was going to go into the bathroom and ditch my clothes and finish spraying the green on myself.

I forgot to factor in one thing though. The green spray had an adverse reaction to my skin. As I neared completion of painting myself COM.PLETE.LY green I began to notice a burning sensation. I was in the shower in no time, begging the our sweet Lord to help me. I didn't make the party that night and all wondered where I was.

I still hear about that incident these days.

Happy Halloween and be safe kiddies!

Do you know what time it is?

That's right boys and girls, it's play date time!! I finally am making the time to get back to doing one of my favorite weekly "things", Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop. This week's prompts are not rubbing me in a good kind of way, but I am going to do it anyway. So out of the five choices, I chose to write about mommy play dates.



The actual prompt is: "Mommy play dates? What's your experience with mom dating?"



WTF!! Mama Kat, are you lobbing me a loaded question? This prompt is so ambiguous! Well let me tell you that there are several ways one could look at this prompt.



First, I do not have toddlers, so the actual event which I think she is talking about doesn't apply. I would probably be arrested and jailed for setting up a play date and not having a toddler of my own when all the moms and dads showed up and I was just standing around observing. Really, I am not Michael Jackson or a wayward priest, so we'll leave that one alone.



Second, the thought of having a play date with MY mommy at my age would be a committable offense. Any grown man having a play date with his mommy has got some problems he needs to address, period. My mom is old and she can be a bit confused sometimes, but I am not finger painting or playing with play-doh or anything like that with her. Really, she enjoys James Bond movies and such. So let's avoid that one also.



So the only other situation that a mommy play date could occur would involve a mom not my own and not with kids in tow. Hmmmmmmm, please elaborate. I mean would this actually be a date with a mom who was wanting to play and have fun, like putt putt golf or bowling; maybe jogging or even a workout in the gym. You know, time to herself with a friend or group of friends (everyone else thinking happy hour here??). Or would it be more of the "play date" kind of fun?



There in lies the problem these days. People do what they do and we all, as adults, have to allow for free will. I know a whole team full of rugby playing men, most of them single. The general dynamic of this group is quite interesting. I have teammates that think of very little else than their next "play date" with whichever mommy they can attract to play, and there is no shortage of mommies who want to play. Some of the mommies are even wives, girlfriends or daughters of their other teammates (are we all thinking MAJOR PROBLEM here??). But, there is that free will thing, getting in the way.



I, for one, have had my experiences with "mom play dates", and having lost a wife and my kids due to choices I made; I am not to keen on helping others make that same mistake. Don't get me wrong, I could have a play date with an unattached mommy. I like kids. But I seem to have a much more fine tuned sense of trying my best not to hurt another person emotionally, whether it be the mom or the man who was entwined with the mom or the kids that are an undeniable part of the mom's life. I didn't and don't enjoy the pain that I am experiencing from my past and I don't want to contribute to that kind of pain in someone else's life.



So, I guess what I am saying is that if you are a mom (or think you might want to be a mom someday), that we could have a play date, maybe. But don't expect me to play doctor on the first date (or postmaster or any other games like that). But do expect to relax and enjoy yourself and possibly have a second or third play date.



And for the record, the play dates I enjoy the most include things like lawn concerts, drive in movies, regular movies, bowling, museums, zoos, art showings, outdoor adventures (canoeing, fishing, hunting, bird watching), arboretums, parades, book browsing, nice dinners, campfires, and much more.



See you all next week!

MEMO says, "Read this post!!"

Whoa. I am behind. I got spoiled here at work by not having anything to do for too long. Now that I have work on my desk I am finding my creative writing time in short supply. So I will cut to the chase.

First, it is time once again for Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop. This week I am choosing to write about her second prompt, which is to share a recent adventure you had with a friend.
Back in April I traveled down to Austin to watch some friends play in the Texas rugby playoffs. My teammate, Waylon, went with me (or I went with him since he drove). While there, we met an older rugger, who had played quite a bit with some of our previous teammates. His name is Memo, and he is! What more can I say, HE IS! Waylon ranked him by virtue of universal importance as follows:

1 God
2 Allah
3 Buddha
4 Chuck Norris
5 Stan Venable
6 Memo

Everyone after that is just a mere mortal. We had no idea. This guy took us into his home, set us up for the weekend, partied with us on 6th Street and then back to the Austin Rugby Club’s coaches house where we joined a birthday party until 5AM. FIVE.EFFING.AM!! We were drop dead tired and he was still wanting to party. Now I don’t know about you, but I am forty-one now and my body clock doesn’t tick or ring or anything else except just shut down. This older guy was kicking our asses all over the dance floor and sweeping women just out of college off their feet and juggling them five at a time. HE IS MEMO!! That guy in the beer commercial that does all those incredible things….yeah, he was patterned after Memo. Well anyway, here’s to Memo (he is the bottom left most player in the photo), cheers dude!

I also am posting my submission for last weeks Writers Workshop….I hope it was worth the wait. I chose to make a movie/slide show of the "Ten Things That Make Me Smile". They are (in the order they appear in the movie) my dog (Brutus), good food, children, good music, rugby, accomplishing my goals, dancing (especially to Mustang Sally), Road trips, my family, and any of God’s art. Hope you all enjoy!

Sweetheart, I am sick and tired of...

Today is Thursday, and Thursday is a practice day! However, Thursday is also the day my "assignment" is due. If you are late for class then you should hurry over to see Mz. Mama Kat and get your assignment, too!! She may make you babysit her son if you aren't prompt with your homework. But I have finished mine and here it is.

First, the prompts:

1.) Share a love letter.

2.) Memorial Day Weekend plans?? Do share!

3.) List ten things you are currently sick of.

4.) Put an outfit together using pictures you found online and show us what you'd LIKE to be wearing today.

5.) What have you been too busy to pay attention to?

I choose to tackle two of the prompts today. I'll start with prompt number 3, my list of things I am sick of.

I am sick of….
…our government giving bail out monies to corporations.
…paparazzi and celebrity gossip saturating the media.
…seeing voluntary vagrants on every street corner who could work but choose not to work.
…junk mail (especially credit card offers).
…getting mail at my house for my ex-wife.
…living in a desert.
…people who want or expect something for nothing.
…all the partisan political backbiting and bitching.
…Jerry Jones and the Arlington Cowboys.
…being forced to be an indentured servant by the government.

Next, I chose to share a love letter. It is not so much a love letter as it is just another original poem from the bowels of my gray matter. I hope it pleases.

Ode to my Mary Jane

Baby, I don’t think that you realize
Exactly how much you cloud my eyes
I can’t wait until my workday is through
So I can head straight home to you
I long to get you in my gentle grasp
If I must wait you’ll hear me gasp
I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue
And my head can’t tell my body what to do
All my loved ones say that you are bad
And If I were to fore go you they’d be glad
But I know that you have brought me joy
And you helped deliver me my girl and boy
You bring me comfort and good times
You help me compose my mind’s rhymes
You see me off to bed each night
With one last kiss before twilight
And sometimes its you that stirs me awake
Especially when you wake and bake
Occasionally I join you for lunch
(I think my boss may have a hunch
that I see you secretly now and then)
it matters not to me where or when
sometimes when we feel frisky
I bring a friend and we get risque
You don’t mind and you don’t bitch
In fact I’m now starting to get that itch
So never mind this job and my employer
I’ll meet you in ten minutes in our foyer!

stu pidasso

21May2009

The inmates are riotting!!

Hey boys and girls, do you know what time it is?? Thaaaat's right! It's Writers' Workshop time and today we will be writing about Mama Kat's prompt #4. Here are the prompts:

1.) Who really helped you get over something? Write about that person. (writingfix.com)

2.) Is plastic surgery an option? Without being vulgar, write about the body part still attached to you that you would most like to dis-attach and replace with a better one. (writingfix.com)

3.) Share an interesting email exchange you've had with someone lately.

4.) Have you thought about shutting down your blog? Why haven't you and what would cause you to make that decision final?

5.) Today I will...

Like I said before, I will be writing about prompt #4 today. I have not actually thought about shutting down one of my blogs, but I have started new ones to help sort the content coming from my head. I haven't shut any of my blogs down because they are still alive in my head. And they are screaming at me like inmates in an asylum. All of them wanting to be freed at the same time. It is pandemonium in there and some days I can't make heads or tails of it. Other days all that blog content just wanders around in my head minding it's own business and licking the table tops, playing ping-pong or painting with finger paints. It is bizarre how the level of activity from my inmates varies from day to day instead of flowing in a river-like manner, never empty and never full but always flowing. And I guess when the flow stops I will shut them down and focus my creative insanity on something else or someone else (I could always stalk Ellen, right Mama Kat??). But until then, I will struggle with the rest of my bloggers to organize the insanity from within and couple it with the insanity from with out and try to communicate some wondrous ponderment that has gotten my attention by throwing bodily fluids at me as I walked past. I love the asylum. I feel at home here. I am one with the chaos, now if the chaos would just stop resisting because resistance is futile. It will be assimilated.

So the flow must continue. And it helps to keep the flow if you have a solid idea of why you are blogging. I hear your cry and I do.

I started my blog last year sometime and it actually morphed from a blog identity on the local newspaper's open forum site. But their administrator's view of acceptable posting material and my view were to far apart. Then they decided they wanted more control over whatever people were posting, so they morphed their forum into a much more stringent environment. They pooh-poohed on my creativeness, so I left them. In fact, I am still trying to get the content from them and re post it here. So I started my blog with a distinct idea of what I was trying to do. Somewhere along the way, I started getting lost and posting about things that did not fit the image of my first blog. So I started a second blog. I don't want to shut down the first blog and need to refocus on posting new content to it to keep it on track and up to date. But the second blog is more slanted to myself and my writing. In fact I hold no boundaries on it. Some of you may not know it, but I even have a third blog that is on the down low. But we will talk about the DOWN LOW later. Right now we are talking about blogs and boundaries and keeping focused.

Focused on what??

Oh yeah. Staying focused on the task at hand. Which in today's time and age is harder than we think. So here is a big word for you today......COM.PART.MENT.A.LIZE.

Can you say it? I knew you could.

We all find that we have to keep pieces of our lives compartmentalized. We leave work at work. We leave home at home. We try not to let our wives and girlfriends meet......EVER. And we are all used to it by now. I find that I have to do the same thing with the inmate sin my head. Some of those loons will try to escape on my Musings blog when they are clearly a mother/son/familia inmate. And some of the Long Walk inmates will try to sneak their way into my Musings. But I have a good grasp on it now and even the inmates from the Book are only let loose on the playground when it is their time to play. But the all get to play. Yes, each and every crazy thought inmate in my asylum of a brain gets at least one hour of outdoor time each day. And it is hilarious to see my coworkers try to come to grips with it when they get a full dose of the insanity.

For instance, when they caught me shooting prairie dogs with my potato cannon, some of my coworkers just couldn't grasp the concept of ballistic target practice on a defenseless rodents. DUH!?!?! I pick on them because they are defenseless. Who in their right mind is going to target practice on a full grown bull?? That's really insane. And that is a good thing.

So let's round the bases one more time:

thoughts in head like inmates in an asylum
Compartmentalize
pick on the meek, you last longer that way.

Any questions?? NO?? Good. Remember we will have a pop quiz on this material next Tuesday with the return of The Tuesday Caption Contest.

Old Poetry

I have been meaning to post and to write and to read some of your blogs, but I have just been a procrastinator recently. As I surf the web and read some of all of your stuff, I come across things that spur me to action. I post a lot on other writing sites. Pictures, Prose and Poetry is one of them. Although the post is quite old (three weeks), one of the topics there had my interest and I have been meaning to post a reply to it for some time. That time is now. To keep you, my random reader, from having to track down the old poem which I posted in their comments section for a post from three weeks ago; I have re posted the poem here for your distinct reading pleasure.

Note: Only one soul was tortured during the writing of this poem and he will survive. I do not recommend that amateurs try this at home.

Her Kiss

Driving into Travis County, on Interstate 95
It was cold and wet and misty; but it felt great to be alive.
I’d been to Bastrop to see my woman and a kiss was all I got,
And she may not realize it but that kiss sure meant a lot.
Because her kiss is sweeter than any carmel popcorn
And stronger than any dragon that has walked the earth
I wouldn’t trade it for chocolates, money or venison
Anyone who’s had her kiss knows exactly what they’re worth.
But to me that kiss is priceless
And it made my whole world right
Because it reminds me why I stay my course,
Go to work and fight the fight.
Because under overwhelming odds
And obstacles by the score
She puts her kids, family and loved ones first
Even when it brings struggles all the more.
By providing me with that example
In an always cheerful and gracious way
She gently gives me my reminder
To call and tell my kids, "I love you", each day.

stu pidasso
November 14th, 2004

Paybacks, put offs and playing the game

The writing prompt was proposed to me, among several others, to tell the world what I am putting off right now. In order to complete this weeks Writers’ Workshop, which involves time to write to complete, I am putting off the work that sits on my desk.
As most of you know by now, the national economy is in the toilet, and there are a lot of people out there who have lost a job or have a job but no work to do. My employer is in the same pickle. We have a very sporadic workload right now, and I have found myself twiddling my thumbs now and again. However, today I have work to do, and instead of doing that work I am writing a blog post (sound faintly familiar?). So, you and I understand that I am putting off my work to type this to you, but I also realize that if my boss were to find out, that he would be put off too!! BONUS!!
See, I really don’t mind at all, because my boss and I have history.
This is not the first time that I have worked with this company. Eight years ago, I was previously employed by these people, and I worked seven long diligent years for them. And one day my boss chewed my ass fiercely for something I did not do. I made the minor mistake of taking my frustration out in an inappropriate manner. I typed the f bomb into the current document on which I had been working. I was so angry that I checked out for the day and took a four day weekend. When I got back my boss had seen what I had done and terminated my employment for it. So I packed up my John Lee Hooker record collection and down the street I went.
I ended up in Fort Worth and stayed employed there for five years. Then I transferred down to Austin to spend another two years with the same company.
At that point, I came home to help my mom, and here we are. So when these people who fired me, heard I was coming back to town, they offered me a job immediately. I haggled with the boss man and got everything I wanted except for one thing. They gave me a raise, my own office, latitude to travel to see my kids, matching money for my 401K, and two weeks of vacation a year (I asked for three). But I watched my dad wither and die from 300 miles away. I traveled every other weekend to spend time with him. It was not good for either of us and I won’t forget it at all.
So when the man who started the whole mess offered to re-employ me, I took it without hesitation. I sit here working on my post instead of his work, and I let him pay me to do it, because I don’t care about his crummy company and I am going to ride his coattails for as long as I can before I move on down the road again. I have two more years of child support left and I intend to let him fund my living through this mess, after which I get a do-over for my life. Don’t get me wrong, I will work for him…..some. But if he is honestly expecting loyalty from me after treating me the way he did before, he is just plain ignorant. Paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they?
I am not currently accepting applications for a conscience, but if you want to leave me a comment on how this makes you feel, then I will take the constructive criticism and use it as I will. So did I just put you off?

Can I play with your pieces?

SUCH A COMPLEX PUZZLE, YES INDEED

IS EACH OF US, WAITING TO BE FREED.

SO COME OPEN MY BOX, BUT DO HEED

THE WARNING ON THE SIDE YOU READ.

"CONTENTS CAN BE UNDER PRESSURE.

MAY NOT CONTAIN A KNOWN TREASURE.

BUT ROCK SOLID, THAT'S FOR SURE,

NO MIND OR MATTER THE ALLURE."

DO YOU DARE TO PEEK WITHIN?

UNSEAL PANDORA'S BOX MY FRIEND?

SO MANY PIECES! WHERE TO BEGIN?

NO WORRIES, THIS PUZZLE HAS NO END.

FOR AS A PUZZLE, EACH OF US

MORPH AS DAWN TURNS INTO DUSK.

THE RANDOMNESS, ALTHOUGH DERANGING,

IS THE FUN, SO DON'T QUIT CHANGING!

stu pidasso24

March2009

The prompt for the day, over at One Minute Writer, is: PUZZLE. And to me, the most intriguing puzzles ever are people. I have some pretty good ideas about what makes me me, but outside of ourselves, we just don't have any idea what others are thinking, feeling or dreaming.

I have coached a lot of kids soccer. One of the teams I worked with had a boy whom I had coached a few of his siblings. While standing on the side of the field during a scrimmage one day, the dad of said boy and I were watching my daughter and his playing in the dirt. The dad turned to me and said, "I would give anything I had to know what is going through their minds right now!" I looked and saw our daughters sharing a nice healthy meal of.......dirt. WTF!! Our kids were eating dirt. DIRT. it baffled me, and I have been aware of this baffling puzzle phenomenon ever since. It truly has helped me come to grips with dealing with stupid people in our day in and day out lives. I now can look at the stupid masses doing their stupid things and just laugh and shake my head and wonder.....what is going through their head? Of course this is coming from the man with the nickname, Uncle Stupid (that's Tio Estupido for our southern neighbors).

Apology and Update

First, I want to apologize to any and all that found my last Writers' Workshop Assignment offensive. I was just trying to be funny. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Second, I want to congratulate any one who is Irish for the monumental GRAND SLAM WIN over Wales to clinch their first in 61 years. I'll be watching it today with all the boys in the midst of a massive piss up. Guinness, Jameson's and Baileys for every score (that's the makings of an Irish Car Bomb for those who don't know). Even the mighty Jed knows that the Irish have it going on in the Northern Hemisphere!

Other than that, there has been so much going on and so little time to post. Where to start, where to start....? Let's go with the kids.....Spring Break rolled around and I went and got the kids from the evil witch of the east. I had to sneak in and out of Houston, but that was easier than usual, as she was working her corner up in Fort Worth, where her evil pimp "Da Man.....also known as the FBI) is whoring her out lately.

We came back home and I had the entire week off to play with the kids. The son and I made a couple of potato cannons. Forty dollars worth of supplies, call it fifty with the potatoes, and some time invested have produced to high velocity spud launchers. And they work real well!!

The DBW won't allow said son to bring his home, so I made sure he remembered how to build one and that he could scrounge the twenty bucks for supplies. He should have his own built and hidden there soon. Little bugger just needs to keep out of trouble with that thing!!

The daughter had me proof read her latest film screen play, it was really good and we did some brainstorming on it. I think she has plenty of info to draw from in furthering it towards a completed project.

Both have asked about and talked with me about inspirational content in their work. The boy entered his drawing of a phoenix into the local school district art contest and when the judges asked him why he drew what he did, his reply was "Because I think phoenixes are cool." Whereas, some kid who drew an Native American scene won because he wanted to draw attention to the plight of the Native Americans.....or something like that.

Went hunting on a buddies land near Abilene, for feral hogs with the boy. We saw a few deer and one hog as we left. Cold, wet, drizzly rain kept us from going back, but we should have because that is when the hogs showed up. We could have had some shots but next time.

We picked up some new music. Daughter got the new Lily Allen release, son grabbed Linkin Park's second try, and I bought the new Springsteen cd. Made for good listening on the way back home.

Of course, the northern cousins came and joined us as soon as they could. They brought their own potato cannon with them. They had made some upgrades to theirs though. Besides adding an electronic ignition to it, they also retro fitted it with changeable barrels. It now has the ability to have a two inch barrel or an inch and a half barrel....or.....NO BARREL AT ALL!! That's right, we can cast both barrels off a shoot that sonabitch like a freakin' flame thrower!! Is that not effing cool or what!! We even got to roast my idiot brother butt crack with it!! He jumped and offered, the youngest cousin was Johnny on the spot and hit the button before my bro could back out of it!! Four foot long flame broiled ass crack!! I wish I had that on video to post. Hilarity!! This was the same brother who almost sent a high speed spud through one of mom's house windows!! Fluck-Knuckle!!

I also took the kids to the bank and had them meet with a bank rep. I had each invest their savings in CD's. We almost have enough saved to put into their second CD. And with some tight belt, money grubbing discipline, I'll have enough they can buy a third CD before the end of the year. My dad never "made" me learn about this stuff, so I am going out of my way to teach my kids about this stuff. "Hands on" is my favorite approach. I could have done it for them, sure; but that defeats the purpose. I want them to be involved and be involved at an early age.

My sister, The Incredibly Gifted Kathy, has her own webpage for her art now. Check it out!! She is awesome and likes to trade art and ideas with any other artist. She is wicked smart and friendly too!! I hope you like her work as much as I do.

And the last bit of business left to attend to is the fate of the Weekly Caption Contest!! Melissa asked what happened to it and when will it come around again. So I will now start it's eventual reoccurring. It will be bi-monthly and will start in April. I still owe one award and will have to figure out who won that one. I'll post it pretty quickly and we'll go from there.

So until then....Live Hard, Play Rugby, and Die Ugly!!

My superhero identity is.......

Mama Kat is running her workshop today. So I chose to list ten things that I can do in three minutes. Sounds easy right….yeah, right! The first couple on the list were pretty easy, then the blank mind kicked in and I had to start getting honest with myself. By the time I got to number ten, I had to get brutally honest with myself. I hope you have an easier time getting through my list than I did.

Ten Things I can do in 3 minutes.....

1. Get from my home to my office.
2. Sprint 100 yards.
3. Pass out from holding my breath. (see number 2)
4. Alienate an entire bar of patrons.
5. Channel surf all 65 stations on my TV.
6. Roll a killer je-zolt.
7. Count to 21 on my digits. (this one is iffy)
8. Have your sister naked.
9. Piss my mother-in-law off bad enough to leave.
10. My girlfriend….twice. (and Eggman can still grab a snack too!)

And on a good day, I can do ALL ten inside three minutes!!

A quick stab at a new poem....

Clown on a High Wire

I sit stupefied in my ignorance,
wondering how to present my defense,
at being such a careless dolt.

I had presumed to know her heart,
and now am left to fall apart,
as if hit by a lightning bolt.

I took her smile as an advance
and lept at my fortuitous chance,
like a newly branded bucking colt.

My flirtation was unwanted,
and I stand before affronted
perplexed by my obvious revolt.

As my pride crumbles like stone wall,
The whole world surely hears the call
of my rent heart which she doeth holt.

As she leaves with nose on high
I remain here alone to try
to weather my wounded ego's assault.

But I should have known better
than to dare to vie to get her,
and risk such an emotional jolt.

From now on I'll always stay true
to that which I prefer most to do,
And roll myself another je-zolt.

stu pidasso
18March2009

Workshop Assignment

I bought my first album a very long time ago. It had to be back in high school. And although I am an avid music lover, I can not for the life of me remember which album it may have been. So I'll talk about all of them.
I love music. I love identifying with various songs out there, and we all do. Music is one of those few universal things that can bring humanity together. Take teenagers from all over the world and put them in a room together with nothing but music and they will bond. They will find that when it comes down to it, there are no differences between all of us that matter.
Yes, the ability of music to soothe the inner beast within all of us, and to start a person's toes to tapping and make their mouth start to curl at the corners just a bit, is non-discriminate. Music does not see skin color. Music does not see gender. Music does not see borders or nationalities. Music does not see religions. Music does not see handicaps or diseases. Music does not see social castes or economic brackets. Music just is.
"Hell man, how can you stand to think that way? Did you really think about it before you made the rules?" Bruce Hornsby and the Range

Head on over to Mama Kat's to play

Stu Pidasso's Top Ten List

Old Woman with a Rosary

Paul Cezanne 1895-1896

I've been busy, so my assignment is late, but better Nate than lever, right?? Well, to stay on the good side of Mama, I've even done some extra credit work (I know, I'm such a suck up!!)

1. Saving money......between putting a c-note in each kids account each paycheck and a c-note in the Xmas account each paycheck I should be shoring up the savings pretty good.....except for mine. But then I put ten percent away in the IRA to help fund the bankers retirement too, so I hope I am all good.

2. Birthdays....I have one brother and his son who have their magic days coming up. Gotta get those cards in the mail. I also missed oldest brother's significant other a few days back, gotta take care of her.

3. Mom....Has a new doctor. Lots of paperwork and I am the one filling them out. If mom ain't happy, I ain't doing my job.

4. House.....not only the chores around mom's but the multitude of home improvement projects at mine that are in half completed mode.

5. Rugby....still have the sore neck and have been skipping practice and that isn't helping the team or myself.

6. The Boss.......new world tour with a date in Austin in April!! To take the kids or not take the kids....that is the question.

7. Summer Vacation Tour.....besides having my teens for the summer and finding them work, I am trying to plan a ten day "across Texas" trip. I hope we get to hit all the cool swimming and camping spots and maybe the cousins (and sister and hubby) can come along for the ride.

8. Work........lots on my plate and plenty of it. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things I want to do, that I lose focus on the thing that feeds my belly and clothes my children. Must refocus on tasks at office.

9. News........I read a lot. Not novels or science fiction, but the news. Blog news, the local rag, magazines, some TV tickers, amber alert signs, etc.... I like to keep current on the things going on.....just so I can bitch with purpose!

10. My writings.........which ties directly into....well....all of the above. I write about anything and everything, but usually with a purpose. For instance, one of the reports in the news I've read recently involved a 92 year old woman in a shack. She was a survivor of the ice storms that just hit the Mid-East USA. This is my poem concerning the story and how it ties to the everyday American citizen.

Lost Jewel Found

Lovely Jewel Kitrel, a "trooper" from northeast Arkansas,
92 years young, the best woman you never saw.
She was found this past week, alone in her backwoods shack.
Nothing but a wood stove and long johns for her back
She had not eaten for a few days and cried when help arrived,
the Guardsmen were surprised that anyone there could have survived.
But what amazes me the most, is the difference that I see
between a humble little ol' lady and the "hogs" from Washington DC
Never mind the Wall street big whigs and the industry leaders today
who are lining up to take their share of our billions thrown their way.
But not this precious little Jewel, she's got all that she might need
just a warm fire to sit by and a few good books to read.
Why is it that some are happy with the little that they've got,
while others rob, cheat, lie and steal in order to increase their lot?

Back about a year ago, my brother was informed that his company was shutting the doors to the store at which he was employed. I was already planning on moving back to Midland to help with my mom, and having a house with three bedrooms to myself, I proposed that he room with me. He doesn't want to give up smoking the herb, and re-employment would put him in jeopardy of a drug test; so he decided to take me up on it. Now, you must bear in mind that he is fifty years old and still earning not even double minimum wage, so he is at a severe disadvantage in the available funds category. Now my brother has been smoking since he was twelve and drinking since he got to Austin in his first year of college. Thirty years he has been struggling with his demons and he has not had to try to grow up yet. He has made a living out of stocking groceries and drinking and smoking for thirty years and sees no problem with his choice of lifestyle....yet.

Well now that we are here and I have gotten to experience first hand how lazy and self-centered he is; I am having some serious problems accepting his mannerisms. I am no asking him to change his ways (which he should), but I refuse to come home everyday and work my ass off trying to make a home in my house, just to be frustrated with a roommate that thinks he doesn't owe anybody anything. He is the stray I took in to my home. He has made it a point in his life to avoid responsibility for thirty years and now it is catching up to him. And he has told me that he will continue doing as little as possible to get by while trying to enjoy life on his terms.

This is where I wish I could see more of someone in my life that I don't get to see much of. My brother is smart, he can write well. He has volumes of work he has written that is very good stuff. Yet, he claims that he wrote it for himself and doesn't want to publish it or put it out where anyone else can see it. And that is a shame, because he has talent. He is quick to tell anyone willing to listen just how smart he is, yet he has not made the choices or put in the work to secure a comfortable home to grow old inside. He is the proverbial grasshopper. And all the rest in our family are the ants, and that bothers me.

So what follows is my letter to my brother, the stray, whom against my better judgment, I have taken into my home.


My brother, Marshall;

it pains me to write this letter. It is not fun for me at all, and that says something, for I like to write. You are older than me and you have made it a point in your life to avoid authority. When I was young, you would skip breakfast and leave the house early just so you could smoke your drugs and be away from the watchful eyes of mom and dad. As soon as you had graduated, you left for college. The University of Texas at Austin accepted you and let you enroll. However, you wasted their time and resources as well as your own time and resources. You found that life was funner when you were dealing drugs and getting smashed everyday around the campus instead of finding a good career with which to finance your life. Now your days of youth are spent. Your time in the sun is running short. Your body is racked with the scars and damage from the things you chose to pursue in life. And now that your body is old and worn out, you have nothing, nowhere and no one to turn to in your waning years. Yet, you continue to look for he easy way out and having thought that you found it, you are back to the selfish, self-centered ways of doing what you have to and no more.

I will not stand for it. I will not carry you on my back until you are in your coffin. I will not allow you to enjoy my hospitality while you share none of the burden of the responsibilities to acquire the house and surroundings which you take for granted.

Just as mom had no problem kicking me out of her house, I have no problem kicking you out of my house. You say that it is not fair and I agree. It is not fair that you chose to be the grasshopper and now you think that we owe you anything even though you strove to not be a part of this family. You chose to isolate yourself because none approved of what you were doing. You did what you wanted anyway. Now you get to lay in the bed you made for yourself.
Good luck and I will see you when they bury you. I will leave for you at your grave exactly what you have given to your family over the years, nothing.

your brother, Stu.

Take the Mask to Task

My cloak, my concealer!
Enshroud my insecurities.
Protect the pretense which I put on.
Shield my face in your appearance,
that none may know my true affection.

What man should dare say
how another must spend his day?

False face of camouflage
shield me from criticism
within my clique of confidants.
Cover me in your facade.

To each and all his very own,
but be careful of what is sown.

Haloed hood, hide me amongst
the masquerade known as society.
Disguise my sins with your visor,
as a fig leaf for Eveandadam.

For all fall short of perfection,
upon the more meticulous inspection.

Let none pose a threat
to the veil which screens
my semblance to Judah,
as I hide in my air of invulnerability.

Dangle freely from the tree
with hideous grin of hypocrisy.

Show me a semblance
of the price to be paid.
Will it be an apple, or a life,
forty pieces of silver, or my soul?

Trust is that which when earned
Does not heat when it is burned.

Am I so blind? False colors
cover-up that which is true.
That all are in disguise for fear
of posture and the pretext
that some are more worthy.

No stone is thrown as I stand fast,
awaiting judgement for my past.

Raise the curtain, tear down the wall,
ruin my own disguisement.
Not as a pariah with nothing to lose
but as a man, just a man, nothing more.

What ever has a man to fear,
but to have none other near.

Dance with me as we sing free,
Laugh as we love unconditionally.